nostalgia - o.t.t.s.

i love the darkness on the edge of the city where the moon hangs over emptiness and the city lights are distant hallucinations.

yesterday saurabh, ranjit and me drove to ‘o.t.t.s’ – ‘one tree and temple spot’ as we had, like the silly boys we were, christened it when i was in school after the only two landmarks there. the tree being a scrawny twisted piece of work and the temple a small shrine at its feet. besides this, around us were only mangroves that bred mosquitoes and in the distance the shimmering lights of esselworld at gorai.

john, isaac, rajiv, babu-sometimes shyam; and if they felt up to it some of the girls - mamta, usha, renuka, sangeeta used to follow us there. but it was distinctly a male space. we used to sit on the dry gutter there and stare towards the west as the sun set and a darkness enveloped us. lovers found their way into the shadows of the night and everyone appeared only as silhouettes against the sudden flash of the headlights of a passing car. though where the car went to was always a question as the new link road that connects runs all along the western and northern periphery of the city was not yet complete though segments of it were 4 lanes wide.

these unfinished dead ends and flashes of urbanity cut into the emptiness all around. somehow we always found our way up to the very brink of it and rarely ventured beyond. i still don’t really understand why. it was enough for us merely feel the headiness of being on the edge of a safe space surrounded by darkness and the soft moonlight but with our feet firmly on the tar road. only once or twice did we venture beyond the line of the road – and that too for the sake of adventure. did we imagine there to be strange man-eating creatures in the mangroves?

if an arc was to be traced about the conversations they always began with frivolous banter and flirtation and somewhere along the way as the light dimmed found their way to graver and more' profound' topics. from movies and music and cars to love affairs, heartbreaks, parents, the politics of friendships, professional choices and more love affairs and heart breaks.

yesterday as saurabh, ranjit and me traced the same route as my gypsy used to – past 'silver coin' and 'royal towers' to the right which leads to the slum to the north and ic extension memories came flooding back. the mangroves that reached up to the road have been filled up and destroyed wiating for the development thats bound to happen. the area is still wrapped in darkness though a few more people have found it - more lovers and more groups of young men as outlines in headlights talking about their possible futures.

i miss the darkness on the edge of the city. the only consolation i have is that no matter how much the metropolis expands there will always be an outside to it- and in between there will be a boundary half lit and enigmatic. at least for a while.