don- the chase begins again

first of all, let me say that i am mot one of them who believes that there is such a thing as a holy film- a film that cannot be touched by the remake craze. its like the cover version of a song. there can be no replacement of the original but it can be fun to see a variant of it. the problem with the new don is not that it dares to exist. the problem is not even that shahrukh can never be amtabh bachchan- its not even relevant- he could be a new kind of don – a shahrukh kind of don. the problem is that he is not allowed to.

the film wants to be so smooth and glossy that it completely forgets that stories are told with real people in them and real people generally are not found covered in oil that lubricates them. nothing sticks, nothing stays. the film is at a constant trot of a pace as every one of the constant twists in the tale is told in a limp-wristed way. i don’t think akhtars particular kind of understated urban smoothness can tackle the convolutions of the plot like don. the actors have no chance. the film glosses over anything that might vaguely resemble a human emotion favoring instead the ‘look’. the ‘look’ being over colored sets and pattern book glamour learnt from gq magazine. floral shirts and plunging necklines.

now for the comparisons that are inevitable because akhtar makes them so by not adding anything of his to the story worth remembering. the twists in the second half at least try and make the film more bearable.

shah rukh is cool as don and in a terribly chosen move attempts to impersonate amitabh and vijay in his alter ego; kareena is hot enough as kamini and her ‘yeh mera pyar ka deewana’ is not terrible; priyanka chopra is insipid where zeenat aman sizzled, arjun rampal mumbles and scowls through the film and boman irani makes the role so much more than it is. the songs are awful- the only real highlights being the two redone songs. shahrukh is great fun in ‘khaike paan’ – the best sequence of the film- maybe because soaroj khan finally brings to the film what it really needed. hard core bollywood jhatkas rather than the super cool almost ‘mission impossible ‘ restraint.

boring is the last thing i expected the film to be. annoying, self indulgent, over the top- but interesting i was expecting. plodding, meandering, i was not.