tarkarli - beauty and death

back last night from the study trip. a 15 hour drive to an mtdc beach resort slightly to the south of malvan where cottages stand in casuarinas forests with hammocks slung in between to pristine white sands, soft lapping water and dolphins. the singhagad fort looms to the right. tarkarli is being heavily promoted as the next ‘it’ tourist destination and is on the verge of radical transformations. i have never been on a study trip this good-looking. gorgeous.

our study was in the village of deobagh- a thin peninsula of land caught in between the karli river and the ocean. to the south the river meets the sea at a spectacular ‘sangam’ point from where there are rides through backwaters and to chase dolphins. all very well, though very different from what we expected from the site for a first year study trip where we hope to study settlements a little more untouched. we improvised though with what we had. we wanted to look at the production of form and space by the everyday activities of the community. i.e. – the making of space and its resultant form. we drew sections across the settlement at different point and looked at the way in which acts inscribe themselves and contribute the making of spaces. extraordinarily interesting and complex stories emerged bout the settlement- about the relationship between the largely christian fishing community and the landowning wadi owners; about the community patterns and the relationship to modes of fishing; about how tourism has led to a new awareness of sanitation in the village- and the role of the church in making sanitation a moral good. terrific stories and some very good drawing possibilities. hopefully ti all comes together well.

it is so different with first year students. in front of them there still lies the option of becoming whomever they choose to be. in the beginning they all come in with such preconceived notions about who they are and what they are capable of. sometimes it’s like seeing in real life the clichés of american high school films come alive. the class is generally divided into the cool dudes, the flirty girls, the nerds, the outcasts, the shy types, etc. then, if things go right, the preconceptions start to shift. new friendships are born, new loves discovered, everyone starts to change. it is so difficult being aware of these and be able to strategize the shifts. kaushik is a genius when it comes to unraveling the mysterious insecurities and arrogances that shape the minds of 18 year olds. to figure out what the potentials of the students are and to be able to make sure that they have the space and support to fulfill them. also to show them the people that they could become while a the same time trying not to patronize them. when it doesn’t work it is a disaster of bad moves- but when it does- there is really nothing as rewarding. this trip was important for me in that way. being with older students- more cynical and world-weary for the past 4 years now- i had forgotten the energy and enthusiasm that first year students have. i was glad to be part of the trip. i came back happy and more than a little sentimental. as you might have guessed.

the soft-focus delirium was aggravated by the incessant beauty all around. picturesque postcardable perpetually. morning began with a long walk to the site from the hotel- along the beach. we crossed rivulets bare footed and wove our way through sea shells, dead fish and other unmentionables that the fisherfolk left behind. then kaushik, ateya and me used to find our slow way down the street meeting the students sketching and interviewing at regular intervals- stopping for chai at every little dhaba. after lunch that was served form the back of a rickshaw or a santro at the large courtyard of the peepal tree the afternoon was spent lounging around reading a book- or sleeping in the shade of a boat or on the hammocks of nearby hotel. ateya and me went into the water twice. the water was easy, soft and the waves folded around us as we floated with the tide. in the evenings the drinking sessions on the beach were on- but we ventured into only a few. the campfire degenerated into a bad game of dumb charades. ateyas friend vikram joined us one night and had stories of hotels building on the konkan coast.

the last night masoom had a chest congestion and had to hospitalized then flown back to bombay via goa. poor thing missed the dolphin ride and the beach – the reward for the hard work of the week. a student falling ill is never something that is easy. but for me the tension was made worse because of the news of vinays death on the first day of the trip.

such a beautiful child. all of 21 and just beginning to become who he was meant to be. unsure, gentle and delicate, he was too young too die. i cried when mukul told me over the phone. ateya, kaushik and me were walking up and down the streets of deobagh looking for sites. it was very disturbing. i had just met him. the last time that we met he had come late for the new years party at mukuls place. i danced with him. he seemed tired but well. he had had a fever for a week. he died of it. suddenly. the shadow of his death was always present throughout the 7 days of the trip. in all th students i could nto help but see reflections of him. and the words failed me. all the cliches that seem to be the only ways of describing or coming to terms with a young death seem to be the only recourse. i remembered rajvi and the morning when i was told in a whisper in the fourth year design studio that she had fallen off her balcony. some things i will not forget. with vinay it will be the last dance. his casual grey t-shirt, the dark low slung jeans, his asking eyes and long hair, and his odd awkwardness as he shyly kept his distance from too much body contact as he danced. and my urge to make him comfortable by breaking that barrier, putting an arm around his shoulder or around his waist and teasing him lightly. a beautiful boy. i remember thinking that it will be amazing to watch him grow into a man. not going to happen.